Breaking the Cycle of Approval-Seeking and Building Self-Confidence in Men
In today’s world, it’s not uncommon for men to feel the pressure to meet everyone’s expectations. Whether it’s from a boss, partner, family member, or even friends, the need for approval can become overwhelming. Constantly seeking validation from others can slowly erode self-esteem, making it hard to feel confident in one’s own decisions and life choices. So how do we break free from this cycle?
Understanding the Root of Approval-Seeking
At its core, seeking approval is often a way to cope with deeper feelings of insecurity. Many men grow up with the belief that their worth is tied to external success or other people's opinions. Whether through career achievements, physical strength, or being seen as “the provider,” there’s a narrative that suggests a man’s value comes from how he’s viewed by others.
However, these external validations are fleeting. If we rely on others to tell us we’re “enough,” we’ll always be chasing approval, never feeling fully secure in ourselves. To build lasting confidence, it’s essential to shift the focus inward—toward self-acceptance and a healthy understanding of our own value.
Breaking the Cycle
Breaking free from the need for approval starts with self-awareness. Here are a few steps to help shift away from external validation and begin building lasting self-esteem:
Identify Triggers: Pay attention to the situations or people that make you feel the need for approval. Is it a work project? Social settings? Family gatherings? Becoming aware of these moments allows you to pause and reflect rather than automatically seeking validation.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Often, the desire for approval comes from negative self-talk—thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “They won’t respect me if I don’t meet their expectations.” Challenge these thoughts by questioning their truth. Ask yourself: What evidence do I have that I’m not good enough? Are these standards realistic?
Celebrate Your Own Achievements: Instead of waiting for someone else to acknowledge your accomplishments, make a habit of celebrating them yourself. Recognize your efforts, whether big or small. This builds an internal sense of accomplishment and reinforces that your value comes from within.
Practice Self-Compassion: One of the key ways to build self-confidence is to be kind to yourself. This means treating yourself with the same compassion you would offer a close friend. When things don’t go perfectly, instead of beating yourself up, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes—and that’s part of being human.
Set Personal Goals: Focus on setting goals that are meaningful to you, rather than ones based on others’ expectations. When you set and achieve goals that align with your values, you’ll naturally start to feel more confident in who you are, rather than who others expect you to be.
Building Lasting Confidence
True self-confidence doesn’t come from what others think of us; it’s built from within. This doesn’t happen overnight, but with time and practice, you can begin to trust your own judgment and feel good about yourself, regardless of outside validation. It’s about learning to value yourself for who you are—not for what you do or how others see you.
Ready to Start Building Confidence?
If you find yourself struggling with self-esteem or constantly seeking approval, therapy for men can be a powerful tool in helping you break these patterns. Working with a therapist can give you the support, insights, and tools you need to build lasting confidence and create a life based on your own values. Reach out today to explore how therapy can help you step into a more authentic, empowered version of yourself. You deserve it.
