Avoiding Relationship Re-runs: How to Learn from Past Mistakes
Have you been in a cycle of failed relationships? Are you struggling to form meaningful connections or establish healthy communication habits? Do you have difficulty catching red flags?
It’s not uncommon for people to stick to their previous patterns or learned behaviors. Doing the same thing over and over again can lead to feeling hopeless and in a rut. The good thing is, you don't have to keep traveling down this road. Here are some tips to help get you on a more productive path.
Practice Self-Compassion
Failed relationships have a way of burning those involved, so much so that at a point, it can prevent us from wanting to put ourselves out there again. Past relationships belong in the past and shouldn’t have the power to continue to haunt you. Nor should they prevent you from new opportunities.
Show yourself grace and compassion on the relationship front. It’s very likely that you’re your harshest critic. Treat yourself as you would a family member or friend in the same situation. It’s important to treat past mistakes as learning opportunities, not ones to speak negatively about yourself.
Take Inventory of Your Past
In most instances, your viewpoint should be forward. There’s a saying that goes something like, “don’t look back, you’re not going that way.” In order to learn from your past, you do have to reflect on those relationships that didn’t work out.
Take inventory of any past trends or patterns. Do you typically go for a specific type? Are there certain deal-breakers you live by? Most people have them. Spending some time reviewing details from the past, whether positive or negative, can start giving you insight into mistakes that may have been made. It’s also a good opportunity to learn more deeply about yourself.
Own Your Role in Past Mistakes
Playing the blame game generally doesn’t serve anyone well. No one wins when you start pointing fingers, especially for something that is done and over.
Odds are, there are responsibilities on both sides for why the relationship failed. Rather than focusing your efforts on the actions of previous partners, the real growth comes from assessing your role in these relationships.
If you can own your portion of the mistakes, taking responsibility can make it less likely that you’ll do the same thing in the future. Assess your part, then free yourself from it.
Identify Your Needs and Desires
Your needs in a relationship will always go beyond your usual type. If part of your past relationship failures was due to jumping in too soon or jumping in the wrong direction, having a clear roadmap can help.
Spend some time reflecting on your own wants, needs, and desires. Tune into what will best serve you going forward and how that would make you feel. During your look back into the past, those relationships can be helpful in identifying what you don’t want. It’s also beneficial to know what you do want.
Have Awareness of Red Flags
When jumping into new relationships, it’s easy to become blinded by the new and exciting. If there’s attraction involved, red flags can be hard to miss. Those red flags can quickly lead to relationship failures.
When new relationships form in the future, be mindful of any concerning issues and observant of someone else’s true colors when they show them to you.
Have Willingness to Change
With each past relationship comes a new opportunity for personal growth. If you expect your situation to change without having to make any changes of your own, that might not be the most realistic outcome.
Commit yourself to be a continuous learner. Be willing to change and evolve to better your circumstances. Do the necessary work to avoid having relationship re-runs in an unfavorable way.
No matter what your current situation is, there is a benefit in speaking to a professional about these matters. Reach out to learn more about self-reflection and identifying relationship patterns.